Each time I open my eyes
by Silent Last Breath
Summary: Each time the world faded around him and Loki opened his eyes anew, he finds himself in a brand new hell. (Hurt no comfort, contains blood violence and death.) Oneshot.


Loki opened his eyes to scattered rays of light filtering through dense leafy branches, the leaves rustling quietly as the wind swept through twisting branches. Leaves crunched underneath him as he sat up, towering trees surrounded him and besides the sounds of the leaves and singing birds the woods were silent. Why was he in the middle of the woods, he had never woken up in such a secluded space before. Taking another more cautious look around his surrounding for anything out of place or the best paths to take should he have to flee, he listened for any signs of anyone near by.

He couldn't hear nor see any sign of anyone nearby, not that that meant he was alone, so being cautious and quiet as possible he chose a direction and started in it. Hearing a snap of a twig somewhere behind him, he paused, listening for any other sounds, a slight whistling was the only warning he got as pain shot through his side as an arrow flew past tearing his tunic and grazing the side of his waist. Dashing right and sprinting through a cluster of trees as a second embedded itself in the trunk of the tree he had just been standing beside.

Suddenly the nature, the thick woodlands full of trees and scrub made sense. It was to be a hunt this time.

And not the kind where companions go out into the woods to bond around a camp fire and stalking through the woods in the hopes of finding some poor unsuspecting animal to slaughter for glory or to boast about on return. No, this was the kind where others bonded in the woods as they stalked and hunted you, where you were the prey being chased down for fun and glory. This time he was the one to be hunted and chased until he was either too injured or too exhausted to keep going. Tormented and terrorised by predators to which you stood at a disadvantage as they followed with weapons capable of inflicting pain and crippling wounds from afar as they took aim with bow and arrow.

Making a sudden sharp left hoping to find at least a little protection between the small cluster of rock and boulders and the thick twisting stumps and thorns, as a third arrow impaled itself in the ground by his feet. His eyes searching out any place he could hide or take shelter from incoming arrows. Picking up a rock and tossing it as hard and far as he could past the rock crop in an attempt to deceive or distract whoever was on his tail as he dove as silently as he could into a space between the sharp thorned brambles. All but powerless without his magic and with no hopes of facing his pursuers he had no choice but to try and flee, crawling through the twisted thorns that snagged and pulled at his clothing.

How many where there this time, one or two a whole hunting party perhaps? Four or five, where they all behind him, around him or was he being lead into an ambush. Each time the world faded and he opened his eyes anew he found himself in a brand new nightmare, a new hell greeting him each time.

Last time it had been Jotunheim and its inhabitants.

He had opened his eyes to find himself in a blinding blizzard somewhere in the middle of an expansive snowy tundra, the freezing stormy winds crashing into him with such force he could not move against them. So forced to move in the direction the wind was blowing he had been blown over several times as he staggered through the uneven knee high snow. It had been freezing, even his Jotun skin, and his thin tunic and trousers' had done little to ward of the chill or pain as the wind pelted small icy flakes into his skin like thousands of tiny bee stings.

Their eyes had been the first thing he'd seen through the blinding white swirling all around him, four pair of piercing red eyes. He had crouched down at first hoping they might not spot him as they continued on their way. Of course he had not been so lucky as one pair of red eyes snapped to his direction and seconds later the other three followed and the group of Giants started towards him. He had turned practically crawling through the deep snow as he attempted to push against to wind to no avail, the realms inhabitants had quickly caught up with him and with one swift swing of its summoned ice club one of the Jotnar had sent him sailing into the side of a nearby rock.

Both the blow to his side and the force at which he hit the large rock had knocked the breath from his lungs as he slumped to the snow, wrapping a protective arm around his bruised side. He held no hopes of escaping as he struggled to his feet, he simply wasn't near as nimble in the snow as they were, as a large rough hand grabbed him by the front of his neck and slammed him back against the rock. It had called him foolish for daring to step foot in their realm after all he had done before bringing its weapon down hard against his leg, drawing a strangled scream from him as it shattered his bone. The giant then dropped him and all he could do was cover his head with his arms in a flimsy attempt to protect himself as the four of them bludgeoned him with their clubs.

He had been barely conscious when one had grabbed the back of his tunic and they had started dragging him through the snow. He had been strung up by the wrists in a cave by the time he had once again become aware enough of his surroundings, hands numb and arms and shoulders screaming in pain as they strained to hold the weight of his body. They had then set about cutting and piercing skin and muscle with a small sharp blade, they had tired rather quickly of playing with him however and by the time his arms had gone completely numb and the searing pain in his chest and stomach was becoming unbearable, they had had enough. The Jotun who had first attacked him in the snow summoned a long thin ragged icicle and rammed it deep into his stomach. His vision had faded momentarily and a scream tore from his throat as a white hot pain spread through his every nerve, as the Jotun dragged it up towards his chest. He vaguely recalls seeing his own torn and ruptured innards spilling to the cave floor before everything faded to nothing.

The time before that he had been pinned on his back by his brother's hammer sitting firmly on his chest, much like he had been on the bifrost when the two of them fought. Only this time he was pinned in the shallows of a rising tide and though it had only taken twenty minutes for the water to rise deep enough that he could no longer breath. Whereas some of his - Nightmares? Punishments? What ever these were, had lasted hours filled with beatings, pain and torment. None had had him begging and pleading as that one had, he had screamed, begged and pleaded for his brother's aid, for Thor to save him, he had even called for Odin at one point, to remove the hammer before the water got too high. Before he drowned. Before he was forced to live out one of his greatest fears. He had been terrified of deep water for as long as he could remember, petrified of drowning, he'd never learnt to swim like all the other kids when he was younger, the crippling fear had prevented him from doing so.

So being left held down in rising water, fully aware of what was coming if he could not get the hammer off him, being abandoned completely by his brother the one person who could save him. Had truly been the cruellest death he had died thus far.

But then all of this was Odin's doing after all, the enraged King had cursed him to suffering, to living out one torment, one death after another. The man he had once thought his father, one of the very few people who knew his every darkest fear and nightmare. The one man who knew more than any how best to torment and torture him in all the darkest and cruellest ways.

Hearing boots crunching in the clearing behind him Loki paused not wanting to alert them to where he was hidden.

"Where is he?" A males voice sounded.

"Not sure, I heard something up further just before though." Another replied, "We'll go scout out further ahead in case he headed deeper."

He could hear at least two sets of boots stomping through the undergrowth as some of the men left, though he didn't move, not yet he was fairly certain some one had remained behind. Staying a still as he could despite the fact he had a thorns sticking into his stomach, he waited for the man to move on.

"Where are you little runt." The man called out. Just moments before an arrow shot through the twisting brambles, landing about a meter to his right.

He had seen this tactic many times before, His brother and friends used it often when out hunting. Any time they lost their prey in the dense shrubbery or just lost sight of it, they would release a few arrows into the growth to try and flush it out. The frightened animal would panic as the arrows entered the shrubbery running out of hiding and the chase would begin anew. But he wasn't some frightened animal foolish enough to reveal his location, so as another arrow landed somewhere to his right he stayed right where he was. The next arrow landed right between his left thumb and forefinger, slicing two or three inches into his flesh, he bit his tongue holding his breath as he held back a pained hiss.

"No sign of him." The two who had left to scout further ahead had returned.

"Damn it. He has to be here somewhere, you must have missed something come on I'm not letting him get away." The group leader growled as finally they all set off.

...

Loki lent back against the side of a tree, hoping to catch his breath. He had been aimlessly roaming these seemingly endless woods for... Well he was entirely how long he had been here but considering the light had just started to dim, he'd guess hours. He had yet to run into his hunters again yet, though he was certain his luck was running out and the more time passed the higher the chances were of him running into them. Still he had to keep moving a still target was a far easier target than a moving one and they were bound to catch up to him soon.

He had just peeled himself from the tree, ready to continue when a blinding pain struck and he staggered backwards almost falling to his knees as an arrow embedded itself deep in the muscle between his neck and right shoulder.

"Ha, direct hit!" One of his pursuers called joyously to his friends, "Did you see that right in the traitorous little bastard's neck."

Loki clamped his left hand around the arrow, his right arm all but useless as he dashed forward as two other arrows landed in his place. Narrowly avoiding them as with a whimpered grunt his left shoulder slammed into a tree trunk as he continued to stumble forward, his pain addled mind having difficulties registering a clear path through his surroundings. This, he thought, must be how animals felt fleeing helplessly in a blind panic as they attempted to outrun there pursuers. Pain and adrenaline keeping them going as they try desperately to escape death.

A thick sheen of sweat had started upon his brow as blood seeped through his fingers, staining his tunic. He shouldn't have pulled it out, he knew he shouldn't have but the damned thing kept snagging on branches and vines slowing him down. He skid to a stop, as an arrow landed in a tree in front of him, running left. He was tiring, his entire body ached covered in cuts and grazes where branches and thorns had torn through his tunic, the blood still dripping from his wound now leaving a trail for his hunters to follow.

Trying to blink away the dizziness as he continued forwards in a pain-fuelled haze, he came to the edge of a steep ravine, his left leg crumbling beneath him as the arrow hit piercing straight through the back of his knee and shattering his kneecap. Sending him tumbling down the steep drop before he even had the chance to change direction, he screamed out as he rolled, hitting rocks and snapping small shrubs and saplings as he went his right foot hitting a rock hard twisting his ankle as he finally rolled to a stop in the dirt and leaves below. He tried crawling to some place, any place he might try and find shelter, though he quickly gave up with both legs and an arm completely useless to him, he held no hope of dragging himself anywhere. Pushing himself over and onto his back as he heard the chuckling hunters carefully sliding down the ravines slopes to catch up to their prey.

Let it end, he thought, let this end so the next nightmare may begin. He stare into the leaf covered sky as the three men gathered around him, he had no fight left in him so he didn't struggle as the leader planted a heavy boot on his chest. The purple clad, sandy haired man smiling triumphantly down at him as he aimed his next shot, arrow pointed straight for his eye.

* * *

He slowly sat up, he was in a field this time, surrounded by lush green grass a large shady tree to his left and sparkling blue lake in front of him. He knew this spot the moment he'd opened his eyes, the field was only a ten minute walk from the palace he and Thor used to play here all the time as children. Their beautiful mother watching over when they were little, then alone just the two of them or sometimes with other children once they grew a little older. Once Thor had grown old enough to look after and protect his little brother and he himself had become responsible enough to watch over his reckless older brother.

He didn't bother getting up, he saw no point, whether he got up to explore his surroundings or look for some place hidden away and safe to stay, to hide. He would end up dead anyway, whoever or what ever was planned for him this time would find him and make him suffer. He was done. He was done running and he was done fighting, he would just sit here and wait. So when he heard the grass crunching under foot as someone approached him from behind, he didn't move, he didn't even look back to see who it was come to play executioner this time.

When they spoke however his stomach dropped, "There you are Loki, I've looked everywhere for you." The voice was calm bordering on friendly, with a distinctly dark undertone lingering beneath. No, Loki thought, no not him any one but him.

"I made a promise when we were young, do you remember? I swore when I was king I'd slay all the frost Giants. Tis a grand day indeed, for today is my first day as King and what better gift to find out here in my favourite spot on such a gorgeous morning."

Loki's insides grew cold as tears gathered in his eyes, please he begged in his mind for any who might be listening, please anyone but him. Let the Jotnar tear him limb from limb, let him scream in agony as he is burnt at the stake, let him drown over and over just anything but this. Even Odin would be a preferred option, let his father kill him, let him slay him as slow and intimately as he wished. He had never been able to prove his worth to the man anyway, never managed to truly gain his heart, but Thor, Thor had been his rock, his brother before it all fell to hel. He held true a trust and love in his heart, a love he had never truly managed to connect with Odin. Odin he could live with but to have his brother slay him with his own hands would be to tear out a large chunk of his own heart, a heart reserved for very few.

To die at his hammer while he was nowhere to be seen was one thing but to die by his brother's hands, his brother's will...

He moved to get up, to run, attempt to despite the fact it never worked. Forget not fighting, forget submitting to death so he could hurry on to his next. This was one death he couldn't face, he couldn't... This was the fear he had tried to keep from even himself, the one trust he hoped would never betray.

He'd barely made it to his feet still having refused to look back to confirm that it was indeed his brother- hoping against hope not actually looking upon Thor would some how make things easier. When a large strong hand wrapped around his neck.

"Please, brother, I beg of you do not do this." He pleaded as his brother yanked him back, turning him around to face him, his other hand following to his neck and closing his grip just tight enough to hinder his breathing.

"Brother." The blonde mocked with a laugh, "Was it not you who stated that we were not brother's, we were not kin."

The tears that had built at the fear of suffering at his brother's hand slipped down his cheeks, he couldn't do this, after everything he had been through he just couldn't. He knew it was a wasted attempt as his brother had always been far stronger than he, but he gripped at Thor's wrists anyway trying in vain to remove his hands as Thor squeezed down a little more, a grin most unbefitting the golden prince forming on his face.

"I have always heard that one's face starts to become blue in colour when they cannot breathe, yet you are blue already? I have always wondered what colour a Jotun turns when denied breath."

Loki looked to his hands finding to his horror he was in fact in his Jotun form, the abhorrent dusty blue colour staining his skin. Opening his mouth as breathing became difficult, his erratic heart already beating in his ears as he attempted to beg his brother stop once more.

"Do not sully you're own hands like this, Thor, please. You stopped me from doing this very same, from wiping out the Jotnar." He rasped, trying to pry the fingers from his throat, to loosen the grip even if just a little. "You found reason, saw the foolishness and absurdity of wiping out an entire realm, of destroying the balance. Have you forgotten this, all that you had learnt during your banishment, everything Jane had taught you?"

"Ha! you think I stopped you to protect those vile creatures." His brother laughed, stormy blue eyes staring deep into his own monstrous red as his smile turned to a snarl. "I wanted to crush them with my own hands, I was not about to let you ruin that for me. Your viperous tongue cannot help you now Loki, not now I finally see you for the impostours little monster everyone else had seen all along."

Loki let out a desperate keening sound that he had never heard himself make before, somewhere mixed between a sob, gut twisting fear and a heart-retching plea. Though the strangled noise didn't really sound like any single one of them. He gasped for air as the bruising hold around his throat continued without fail, the sounds around him muting somewhat dully as if he were under water. His chest tightened as air was becoming harder to draw in and his legs begun to feel weak.

Panic started to set in as a slight haze begun to gather at the very edges of his vision and a vulnerability that he hadn't used since he was five found its way into his voice as he gave one last desperate shot at talking reason into his brother. His hand reaching out to rest on his brother's chest, right over his heart, as Thor had used to do to calm him when he was still small, to chase away his fears. _It is alright brother, I will keep you safe. Here, see nothing to be afraid of, you can be strong and brave too just concentrate on matching the beat._

As always whilst his own heart was hammering so fast and hard he thought it might burst right out of his burning chest, Thor's own was as calm and steady as always. "Please Thor, don't do this to me. I've never trusted any more than I trust you, you know this, you've always known this, please... You promised to always protect me, b-brother, you swore to keep me safe. I beg you brother, please, please, you promised... Please don't break-"

"Silence!" Thor growled a crack of thunder rumbled overhead as he closed his hold with crushing force successful stilling his brother's tongue. "I've enough of your incessant pleading, you've made it clear enough during you actions during my banishment and in Midgard that you no longer hold me as family and I could never hold a Jotun as mine. I hold no promises to a creature that was never anything more than a lie."

His hand tightened in its grip on his brother's tunic, refusing to let go as his brother's own grip on his throat tightened closing his windpipe, cutting off his air supply completely and his words with it. His legs gave out beneath him, not that it deterred his brother in anyway, who could easily keep him held upright with his strong powerful hands as Loki's left hand clawed with a new ferocity. Digging into his brother's fingers and his own flesh as he dug his nails into his own neck to try and pry them under the fingers.

The hands violently squeezing his neck may as well have been wrapped around his heart as his brother spoke, squeezing the vital muscle until it could no longer beat. He wanted to tell him it wasn't true, that he had never though him anything but his brother, that he had never truly wished to bring death upon Thor, he only wanted him to hurt... He wanted Thor to hurt because he was hurting, because his entire reality was crumbling around him and he didn't know how to stop it, how to fix it. He wanted to tell him that he loved him, that he had never stopped loving him, but he couldn't, Thor's grip so strong that not even a whimper could escape his throat.

His chest was burning, his head swimming as he stare up at bright blue eyes, eyes that glistened with fascination as he struggled for air. As he clawed and pulled at the hands crushing his throat, tears blurring his vision as they ran down his cheeks. The rhythmic beat beneath his right hand strong and steady. Thor let him drop to his knees, standing over him as his oxygen starved lungs heaved desperately, causing his chest to convulse.

Each failed breath, each time his chest convulsed or strained, was more painful than the last as his sight start to close in on him. He though he heard Thor hum the word purple, a hint of amusement in blue orbs, as the world around him grew silent till all he could hear was the blood pounding in his ears. Calm and steady. He was loosing strength, his fingers slowing in their struggles as his chest threatened to explode, his temples pounding. It hurt, Norns even drowning hadn't been this painful, his fingers and toes started to feel numb as his back arched slightly as his whole chest heaved tighter than he ever thought possible desperate for air.

He could still feel the steady rhythm calm beneath his right palm as the darkness creeping over him narrowed till all he could see was his brother's intrigued gaze. His left hand falling limp at his side as his lips silently let out a final plea, as his entire body convulsed, his own erratic heart beat finally slowing to match that of the soothing beat travelling through his brother's chest and to his fingers. Everything fell to darkness and he felt his head lull to one side a little as the sound of his own blood faded from his ears till all he could hear, could feel from the fingers still desperately clutched over his brother's heart, over his strength, the steady and calming rhythm of Thor's heart. His own faint beat no longer in sync as his lungs attempts grew weaker and further apart his heart beat with them. His heart was failing, but the burning pain was gone and that strong and ever steady rhythm ever soothing.

Each time his world fell into darkness, each time his strength gave out and his life left him, he begged, prayed it would be the last. Prayed he would never again open his eyes. He had been resurrected so many times he had lost count, surely his lives had to run out soon, it had to end eventually.

Starting with a gasp moments before crashing down hard on solid rock, pain shooting through his body as he felt bones break and bruise, knocking the breath from him. Loki lay still on his back staring up into a solar system not his own, he blinked once, twice before his mind found familiarity in the distant pinpricks of light and his heart sank in despair.

"No, nononono, no, no. Please, Norns not here."

"Well, well, is this not a fine gift." A booming dark voice sang.

And as the familiar purple figure towered over him with a wicked grin that threatened to deliver torment beyond imagination, Loki knew his nightmares had only just begun.


End file.
